I got divorced. Not something I would ever have imagined myself saying in this life, and yet, it has been a necessary experience to understanding myself in relation to my own truth, versus the projection of what is acceptable and expected within our (mainstream) society. I was surprised how anxious and emotional I felt after the divorce court hearing. Most of the last two years has been time spent devoted to processing the unraveling of my marriage and relationship to my children’s father. I knew that divorce was required to offer closure and finalize the union. I felt at ease and was happy with our decision. The emotions that surfaced that afternoon however, had little to do with the ending of a marriage and so much about the expectation placed on me as a little girl, that I have carried for thirty years; to marry, breed, keep my mouth shut and be grateful like a good little wife. (Basically generations of crap!) And then, spending half my life longing for and manifesting that dream into reality, even though, it was never actually a dream inspired by me, but a projection dictated by Western society. My mind then wandered on to the confusion that began festering after I had ticked all of those boxes. Everyone was so proud, but I felt unfulfilled with life. Guilt surrounded me. I carried fear and the shame that maybe nothing would ever be good enough? I grew hungry…hungry for more. An identity of my own, and not just one half of something. I desired to seek my own truth and honour my own needs as well as keeping a happy husband and nurturing our children. Did that make me abnormal? I longed to understand the depths of my passions. I longed to learn, to study and to share with others. I longed to find my voice wedged somewhere in between making lunches and navigating sleepless nights. The urge grew strong and it no longer mattered that I would be judged and misunderstood. (rest assured you will be judged no matter what you do in life!) Let them talk! The more I grew into myself, the more I grew out of our marriage. But I couldn’t stop growing, I couldn’t stop being honest with myself, and none of what resided within the deepest parts of me seemed to be in alignment with the foundations that our relationship was formed upon. And so it began to crack open. Providing more and more opportunities for growth in each of us, until finally, the lessons had all been learned. It no longer served either of us to stay. The commitment to our spiritual contract had been honoured and signed off, and we went our separate ways. It is not, and has never been a failure, just a journey that we both agreed to walk for a while. Our relationship has evolved to be one that focuses on the welfare and raising of our children. In doing so, we have gifted each other the opportunity to become better versions of ourselves, alive and aware in all moments. Our hearts are reopened to the potentials of new love. And that is all we ever need.
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AuthorLaura E. Gillett was born and raised on the Northeast coast of Fife, Scotland. A natural born psychic medium, she relocated to Western Australia with her family as a young teen, where she began to develop her deep calling into understanding spirituality. Now a mother to three children, Laura navigates parenting alongside operating her holistic therapy business, and creatively documenting her understanding of spiritual process and healing. Archives
December 2017
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