My response to #MeToo In the two weeks since I wrote my blog about my abusive experience on a recent long haul flight, there have been a viral number of #metoo posts on social media, where women have shared their experiences of abuse, after a number of Hollywood celebrities came forward regarding abusive men in their industry. I have sat back from this so far. I felt my original blog touched enough on this subject. This morning however, under the power of this dynamic new moon and Uranus (my zodiac’s planet of influence) it is time to feel the fear and find my voice…*deep breaths* #MeToo… From age TWELVE I was harassed on a daily basis. I took the bus from school, and had approximately 1km to walk between there and home. Every single day without fail, from age 12, still wearing my school uniform, I was subject to car horns, wolf whistling and various forms of “Show us your tits”, “Show us your pink bits”…etc. This was my introduction to men, and the role I was expected to play, in order to be accepted, loved, desired or valued. My worth would now be determined by how worthless another man could make me feel in his compulsion to behave or act in a way that demeaned my existence. This little seed, grew larger and larger, and my own voice became more like a mist, that never got the chance to become seen or heard. From here my relationships were dictated by my male counterparts. I would sacrifice my friendships, my interests and my time to invest it into their interests and their friendships. I became a shadow of myself. I longed for the constant validation that I was good enough, and worthy enough to be loved. I have been in relationships from my mid teens where my boyfriend would phone me up drunk an hour late to our date, because he was out with the boys. He would always promise to ‘make it up to me’. It kept me in a place of submission, where I would always be available when he wanted me. I kept me in that cycle of need love and acceptance. I said nothing. I have been in relationships where my boyfriend has had his hands around my neck, screaming abuse into my fearful eyes as they welled up with tears and my heart raced Further reinforcing his dominance and my need for acceptance and love. I did nothing. I have been abused by someone I loved and trusted while I slept. I have been told what I can and cannot wear. I have been told I am fat, I am ugly, my breasts are too saggy, my face is too pimply and my body is too hairy. I have been spat on. I have been groped. I have been threatened when I have refused another sleazy offer. I’ve said nothing. I have been afraid to walk alone at night. I have been told that I will never find another man who would put up with me. I have been told I am not girlfriend material. I have been told I am too much. I have been abused on a plane. I have been propositioned by friend’s Dads. I did nothing. I did nothing but drown in my own fear. Fear of being hurt. Fear of losing people I loved. Fear of creating conflict and drama. Fear of not doing as I am told. Fear of the fear. Well now, I know better and as I type these last few words, I am also choosing to let those last droplets of fear escape from my eyes. I am the only validation, the only acceptance and the only love I need. Anyone who believes they have the power to take that away from me, or anyone else, needs to take a long hard look at themselves. Today I kiss myself and I hug myself. I survived! All of that and more, and i survived. But if you expect me to keep my mouth shut from now on, you will have to fucking burn me at the stake! Know better...do better. I affirm sovereignty over my body. I acknowledge the power of my voice and I honour my worth as a woman, and as a human being. #metoo!
1 Comment
Jen
22/10/2017 11:45:43 am
It’s so liberating to “find” it oneself again! To be free to say whatever you want without repercussions! Namaste 🙏
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AuthorLaura E. Gillett was born and raised on the Northeast coast of Fife, Scotland. A natural born psychic medium, she relocated to Western Australia with her family as a young teen, where she began to develop her deep calling into understanding spirituality. Now a mother to three children, Laura navigates parenting alongside operating her holistic therapy business, and creatively documenting her understanding of spiritual process and healing. Archives
December 2017
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